Falling for a friend
Being close to a mate has got to be one of the best feelings in the world, but things can get tricky when the line between pal and passion becomes blurred.
What's even more confusing is when you're gay - or wondering if you might be - and the friend that you've got a crush on is definitely heterosexual. On top of worries about being rejected romantically, there's often the risk that your mate won't react well to your admission about your sexuality.
Opening up
Normally you'd be pretty up front and honest with friends, right? But when you've got a thing for them, how feasible is it to hang out without it affecting your relationship?
Sara wished that her mate had come clean from the start. "Cass was someone I didn't know that well at school, but we became close when my relationship with my boyfriend deteriorated," she says. "I always seemed to be in tears and one time Cass asked me, 'What are you doing with your life? You could have so much more with the right person'. I just thought she was giving me some sound female advice and didn't read anything in to it. Then the night we got our A-level results, we both got very drunk and she tried to snog me. I was totally taken aback but I just brushed it off."
Being true
While falling for a good friend is a common enough occurrence, true confessions can sometimes seem too dangerous - especially if it means coming clean about your sexuality as well. But it doesn't always have to spell distaster.
It wasn't until a few months later that I hooked up with Cass again," Sarah continues. "After a few drinks she admitted to being gay. I was glad she'd confided in me. But then she told me she'd had her heart broken and to my surprise I was the one responsible. She'd secretly been in love with me for ages."
Sarah says she can now understand why Cass might've got the wrong vibe. "We'd had lots of frank conversations about sex that she could have totally misinterpreted. If she'd come out with her true feelings at the time maybe she wouldn't have been so hurt. It would never have stopped us being mates."
Cover up?
Secrets have a habit of slipping out even when you think everything's under control. But the confusion that you may feel when you're coming to terms with who you fancy can mean you end up doing things out of character, like Tom, 23.
"I was in the army but couldn't talk to anyone about being gay because at the time it was illegal to be gay in the army," he says.
This didn't stop Tom falling for a close colleague though. He had become good friends with a married man called Alan and found himself starting to make up excuses to be near him and imagine scenarios in his head about them getting together.
"Fancying him but not being able to say anything was doing my head in. Then one night we were on an army exercise and were sharing a shack. He came back pissed and fell straight asleep. I couldn't help myself, I had to kiss him. He woke up almost immediately, and we both knew something had gone on but all he said was, 'I'm not like that and nothing else can happen'."
Dealing with the fall out
Sometimes the only way to move on is to learn from your mistakes. You might think hiding your true self away is the best option, but sometimes, however painful, it's best to be open.
"I was gutted when nothing came of my 'big move' but I've left the army now and have come out," says Tom. "For anyone who's in a similar situation in civilian life, I would recommend that they talk about it rather than do what I did. I felt pretty bad. You might lose a friendship, but it's better to be honest. They might go mad, but at least you're being you and that's the most important thing to be."
Moving on
According to Fiona Harvey from the London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard, there's no right or wrong way to deal with fancying a friend.
"Everyone's circumstances are different, but you might find it helps to talk the issue over with another friend, or with a helpline," she advises. "And if you think you might be gay or bisexual but keep falling for straight friends, what about getting to know some more gay people? Making contact with other gay and bisexual people for the first time can seem difficult, but it's usually easier than you think."
Even though it can seem daunting to work out where to go, most large places have pubs and clubs that have specific gay nights. This doesn't mean your straight friends can't come too, it just gives you more of a chance to meet other gay people. Most boroughs also run lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered (LGBT) youth groups and if you're at uni, you'll probably find they have a LGBT group, too. Search Gay Youth UK to find a group near you.
