Unhappy home
Question
I'm heavily pregnant at the moment and I'm looking forward to giving birth but I'm really unhappy about the relationship I'm in with my child's father and it's affecting everything. He's been stealing from me and lies a lot, he might even be heading to jail soon. We argue all the time and don't seem to have anything good to say to each other. I don't want to leave him but don't want my child to grow up in an unhappy home. What should I do?
Answer
First and foremost, congratulations. Parenthood is a rich, life-altering experience, and you are sure to experience a wide assortment of emotions throughout your son's life, from joy and wonder to confusion and frustration. It won't be easy, but it will be wonderful. And you will get through this.
Now, as far as your relationship with your boyfriend goes, despite the fact that you said you are unsure of what to do, you seem quite clear about a couple of things; you don't trust him (with good reason, from what you say) and you argue a lot, which leaves you feeling distraught and miserable.
No one can tell you what to do, of course, but one thing is for certain: staying with this man may not be good for you or for your unborn child. While it's true that facing motherhood without a partner is a scary thought indeed, it might be scarier to bring a child into such a fraught, complicated, unhappy relationship.
What's more, you've said you don't want to leave your boyfriend, but you don't say why. If fear of the unknown is your only motivation for staying, then you might want to re-evaluate your reasoning. After all you haven't listed one positive quality about your boyfriend. That's certainly something to think about.
If, on the other hand, you believe there is hope for you and your boyfriend (and there certainly may be), it might be a good idea to contact Relate on 0300 100 1234 for some couples counselling (they also offer counselling to individuals if your partner isn't amenable to therapy). You may also find contacting Parentline Plus on 0808 800 2222 useful, they offer support, advice and information to anyone parenting a child.
Finally, you didn't say whether you have a support network of family and friends available. If you do, now is the time to ask for the assistance you need. If anything, asking for help when you most need it, and you will definitely be in need of help in the weeks and months to come, is a sign of strength rather than a sign of weakness.
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