Staying friends?
Question
I've lost a friend because a series of misunderstandings. We used to be a couple but have tried to remain friends. Since we split up it's all gone wrong.
Recently he started to call me a liar because I wouldn't tell him everything that was going on in my life. He's sent me abusive e-mails and made threats, but now I feel guilty because I think I should have done my best to avoid conflict. I've tried to talk to him, but he refused to listen, I even wrote him a letter, but he didn't respond. He said he doesn't want to hear from me anymore. I feel really sad, should I let it go?
Answer
It's often difficult for people to genuinely remain friends once a romantic relationship has ended. From what you've aid, it would seem some kind of misunderstanding has occurred between you two and it would be great if you could at least clear this up and put your conscience at ease before moving on.
But, for whatever reason, it sounds like this guy is not in a forgiving frame of mind. Maybe the only way he can deal with your split is to treat you badly and try to convince himself that he's over you, which is horrible for you, and not very helpful for him either. If he's refusing to talk to you or acknowledge your letter there's little you can do to make him see the situation from your perspective and you might have no choice but to let go. I realise this is painful and frustrating for you but it may be the only way forward. You can't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up for past mistakes and if he won't give you the chance to explain yourself, you can only move on and think back on this episode of your life as a learning experience.
If this is the case try not to be preoccupied with feelings of guilt as it helps no one and remember you didn't decide this friendship would end this way.
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Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
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