Forget-me-not
Question
My boyfriend recently broke off our relationship and I really want him back. He's been telling me that he is confused about his feelings for me, but he still wants us to hang out together. He keeps calling me and flirting with me on the phone. I'm really confused - should I be his friend or forget him for good?
Answer
Break-ups are rarely clean and tidy and, as you're finding, this can lead to very confused feelings and mixed messages.
Now your boyfriend's decided he misses you and wants to spend time with you - but he won't make a proper commitment by making his mind up that you're the one he wants to be with. It doesn't sound like he is treating you very fairly, or thinking about your interests or feelings at all. Does he want you to be there for him, until he decides what he wants?
Before you make any decisions, think very carefully about your feelings for him. Ask yourself some questions. Do you have a lot in common? Are you good friends, and were you when you were in your relationship? Can you trust him? Do you want his friendship or is it too painful? When he flirts with you, does it bring back all your old feelings? When you see him, do you want to be with him?
It sounds like what you really want is to be his girlfriend again, but he doesn't seem to be offering that. He's flirting with you and saying he wants to spend time with you. Is this enough for you? It's possible, that by letting him flirt with you and spending time with you, he will think it's OK to keep you hanging on indefinitely. This is your chance to take control of the relationship and your life.
Only you can decide what you want to do now. Maybe it's time to have a heart-to-heart with him and tell him how you feel? From his reactions and what he says you should be able to tell what his true motives are, or whether he is so confused that he doesn't know what he wants. The best way to clarify things in these situations is usually to have some space from each other - time to think for both of you. Why not suggest that you have a month apart, with no contact, while you both think about things and decide what you want. This will give you space to sort your head out and move on a little. You may realise you don't miss him that much and, once you're feeling happier, prefer spending time doing other things with other people. But if you still want to be with each other after this, then you can give it another go.
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Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
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