Hang on or move on
Question
My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago, saying that he just didn't love me anymore. He has many other problems at the moment, and everyone thinks that we will get back together once he has sorted things out.
I am finding life very difficult. I don't know whether to give him space and hope that we do get back together, or accept that he doesn't love me anymore and won't want to get back with me. What should I do?
Answer
Right now, you're dealing with the aftermath of a big shock. It's only natural for you to be going through all manner of emotions, from hope to despair and confusion. Did your boyfriend give you more detailed reasons for wanting to finish things? If not it might help to talk things through with him.
If you do choose to talk to him about it, the key is to keep an open mind, and not to hold out for an instant reunion. Only he can say what persuaded him to finish things, but a moment of honesty and shared respect can only help you work out where you stand.
Should he reveal that this decision to split was influenced by outside issues (such as problems at work) then you may feel it's worthwhile suggesting a second chance. If so, be sure to take it one step at a time, and review how things are going on a regular basis. If you need outside help, consider contacting Relate and find out more info about the range of couple counseling services on offer.
Just be prepared for the possibility that it's over. He may even decline to talk at all. If this is the case, remind yourself that nothing you could have said or done would've changed his mind. It means he has decided to move on, even though you're still the same person that he first found to be such a draw in the first place. In this view, it's his loss and not yours. By tackling his decision to split in this way, you can look back knowing you handled things with maturity and sensitivity. Things are bound to hurt to begin with, but by surrounding yourself with family and friends you will get through it, and be emotionally stronger for the experience.
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