Male victims of domestic violence
Whether you are male or female, the definition of domestic violence is the same. TheSite.org uncovers the hidden abuse that affects many young men.
Although research shows that domestic violence affects mostly women, current statistics show that one in six men will be affected at some point in their lifetime. The British Crime Survey revealed that 19% of domestic violence incidents were reported to be male victims, with just under half of these having a female abuser.
Abuse is experienced in many different ways and can include a range of physical, sexual, psychological or financial behaviour. Domestic violence is about power and control and is rarely a one-off incident. Violence usually takes place within an intimate relationship, such as a partner or a family member, and forms a pattern of controlling behaviour where the abuser tries to control and seek power over their victim.
Jason, 24, was married to his wife for two years, having been together for six years in total: "She used to scream at me all the time and lash out during arguments. I had to tell colleagues that the cat was always scratching me. Really it was my wife, but I couldn't tell them that. How could I tell my mates? How could I just drop that into the conversation?"
Is it different for men?
Being abused by somebody you love and trust can be confusing and bewildering. The emotions you feel as a result are going to be similar whether you are male or female, however it can be harder for men to cope with the emotional impact of domestic abuse. A spokesperson from the Men's Advice Line says: "We often have men on the phone who say they can cope with the odd slap, but being constantly criticised and belittled is harder to deal with."
We all know that women love a good natter, and while admitting to being abused is difficult for anybody, men often don't have the social networks in place to easily tell a friend or family member. When guys go down the pub it is not necessarily for a touchy-feely chat. Phone lines, like the Men's Advice Line, (MALE) will give you the opportunity to talk in confidence.
It's happening to me
Being assaulted by somebody you know is just as much a crime as being assaulted by a stranger. Admitting you have a problem and talking to somebody about it is an important first step.
The Men's Advice Line offers the following advice:
- Recognise that you are in an abusive relationship;
- Keep a record of any incidents;
- Report any incident to the police;
- Seek medical attention - either from Accident & Emergency or your GP (doctor);
- Take legal advice;
- Don't be provoked into retaliating.
If you find yourself being physically attacked, it's important not to retaliate. Restraining somebody or hitting back leaves you liable for prosecution. If you find that you're getting into a heated argument, leave the room.
Where will I go?
Leaving your home doesn't affect your right to return, your tenancy rights or ownership of the home. Whether you rent or own your home, you have the same rights. Being assaulted by somebody you know is still a crime and you have a right to be protected under the law.
There are a handful of projects around the country that offer accommodation to male victims of domestic abuse. MALE advice line will be able to tell you if there are any in your area. Privately rented accommodation is an option, but could be expensive if you're doing it alone. Staying with your mates or family will probably be your first choice, but this may not work out over a long period of time.
If you are homeless as a result of domestic violence, your local council housing can arrange emergency accommodation. They may ask you to provide evidence that you are being abused, which is when keeping a record of everything can be useful.
Emergency Accommodation is usually in a B&B and will be for a limited period only. To apply for this you need to approach your local council housing department. Your local housing department will provide you with a list of B&Bs in the area and single male hostels.
You may decide that it is safe to return to your home if you get an injunction. There are two types:
- Non-molestation Order
This is aimed at preventing your partner or ex-partner from using threatening violence against you or your children; - Occupation Order
An Occupation order regulates who can live in the family home and can also restrict your abuser from entering the surrounding area.
Am I a victim?
Asking for help doesn't make you weak. Telling somebody that your partner is abusing you is difficult; you might feel ashamed, embarrassed or worry that you won't be taken seriously. But for all victims of domestic violence the advice is the same - you are not alone and there is help available.
Jason adds: "I was really embarrassed but asking for help was the turning point. I realised that it does happen to other people. I left her and started re-building my life. It was hard to trust people at first, especially women, but now I'm in a loving relationship. I'll always be grateful to the people that helped me get out of my situation."
