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Social Anxiety Disorder

21-year-old Jo lives in Cumbernauld, Scotland, with her parents. She suffers from Social Anxiety Disorder, making social situations very difficult for her. She opens up about how it affects her life.

Opening up and getting help

Jo

Jo

I had always been known as "the quiet one" during Primary and Secondary school. I was shy around people, usually kept to myself, got highly nervous whenever I was spoken to and dreaded having to give solo talks in classes. I assumed I was just really shy.

It started to get really bad after I left school at the age of 15. I only had three friends during high school and when I left we lost touch. It had shown me they weren't really friends anyway. I did a couple of college courses and rarely made friends with the people on the courses. I was left on my own for most of the time.

I finally plucked up the courage to tell the doctor about how I was feeling - about six years after I first felt that I had problems. I didn't want to tell my doctor what I was feeling as I was convinced she would tell me nothing was wrong and that I was wasting her time. After talking all this over with my fiancé, Ewan, he managed to persuade me to go to the doctor about it. I told her everything and she immediately thought I had Social Anxiety Disorder. Although I'd never heard of it before, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me in the sense that I knew I wasn't alone in this - that 'it' had a name. 

At first my parents thought I was lazy and shy as I didn't have a job. They now understand why I don't work, but they don't really understand Social Anxiety Disorder. I've tried to get them to look it up on the internet and read about it, but they seem to think I'll be alright in a few weeks. Ewan has been amazing. He has supported me through it all and continues to be here for me. He understands that this isn't something that will go away just by taking some medication.

Missing out on life

I am now on antidepressants and I see my doctor every week. So far I haven't felt any different with the antidepressants as I am still trying to find a type that doesn't make me feel ill. I also see a psychologist to talk about my childhood, which may have contributed to the Social Anxiety Disorder. 

Having this disorder has gradually affected everything in my life. I can no longer go out of the house without getting highly anxious. If I am outside I always have someone with me. Just a quick five-minute trip to the corner shop involves having at least two panic attacks and will leave me feeling exhausted.

I've lost a lot of friends due to the Social Anxiety Disorder. I used to make up excuses about why I couldn't go out, so they soon got fed up and assumed I didn't like them or was avoiding them. I currently only have a couple of really close friends and they understand what I am going through. They do invite me out, but they always say 'only if you feel up to it'. Not being able to go out like a normal 21 year-old makes me feel sad. I can get extremely emotional and I end up feeling useless, frustrated and angry. I know that when I do go out with these friends that they look out for me, though. If I start to feel a panic attack come on, they will help me and make sure I feel safe and secure with them.

My future

Since I was little girl I always wanted to be a hairdresser. I became more interested in beauty therapy. I even started studying at college, but I never finished as I had no friends on the course and decided to leave. Both industries require good communication skills and being able to talk away to clients. I would still like to work in this area but I know at this time, it would be impossible for me.

I do have good days, but mostly bad days. On the good days I can envisage myself feeling free of Social Anxiety Disorder, but those days are rare. At this moment in time, I can't see it happening anytime soon - I think the best I will be able to do is go to the shops without getting a panic attack.

I do look forward to getting married, and there are days when I want the big fancy white church wedding, with all the attention and focus to be on me. Then reality hits and I realise that I wouldn't be able to handle having a wedding like that. At the moment we are starting to plan for a small wedding with immediate family and very close friends only. 

I spend most days drawing, reading, writing short stories and doing some embroidery. These hobbies relax me a lot and make me forget what I am going through, for a little while at least.

What is Social Anxiety Disorder?


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