Community: Real Life

Blackmailed to marry

After his family imprisoned him in a mosque to force him into marriage, Imran tells TheSite how he escaped.

Wedding rings

I grew up in a Pakistani-Muslim household and when I was 10, my parents took me to Pakistan. I was too young to know what was happening at the time but I can remember a party with lots of food and money being given. I later discovered it was an engagement party for me and my uncle's daughter, who was five.

I came back to the UK and at the age of 15, my sister showed me photos of the party. That's when I realised what kind of a party it had been. I was horrified. My sister told me I was going to get married to this girl in the future. I was shocked that my family had done this without my consent; without me even knowing, and I refused to do it.

Imprisoned

Nothing was said after that and two years went by. I turned 17 and my Mum suggested that I went on holiday to Pakistan with my sister. I agreed, thinking it would be a nice break to go and see my family. A week into the holiday, I realised I was being punished and they were trying to force me to marry the girl. My relatives drugged me with a cup of tea and a tablet, which knocked me out. When I woke up, I was in a deserted mosque and two men were holding my arms. My brother-in-law shackled me using chains, attaching one of my legs to the other with padlocks on each side. I couldn't walk, I could only pick up the bar and drag myself around. I had to sit, eat, bathe and go to the toilet like that.

The Imam came each morning to give me breakfast. He told me he was honoured that my Mother had sent me to him to make me a better person and that I should marry this girl in the future. He tried to force me to read the Koran. I told him I wasn't going to read it until he took the chains off but he still refused.

Escape

I was there for 15 days until a friend from the mosque helped me escape with a metal bar. My friend was nine and didn't understand why they were doing this to me. I brainwashed him into helping me and on the 14th day, he brought me the metal bar. The padlocks holding me were small and as I put the bar down on them, I popped the locks. I couldn't believe it; I knew this was my way out. When the Imam came to give me breakfast in the morning, I made my escape. I walked for eight hours with no shoes on, to get to a city where a friend lived. By the time I arrived, my feet were bleeding and needed bandaging.

"I was drugged with a cup of tea and a tablet which knocked me out. When I woke up, I was in a deserted mosque and two men were holding my arms while my brother-in-law shackled me using chains."

My parents were aware of what was happening to me. I had been sent to the mosque on their request. I contacted my Mum and she told me to go back to my in-laws house and not try to escape. I refused, telling my Mum I wanted my passport. A week later, I met my sister at the airport and came back to the UK. I was too young to know I could have gone to the British Ambassador for help.

Emotional blackmail

The pressure didn't stop there. Between the ages of 18 to 24, my parents constantly nagged me to marry the girl, but I refused. When I was 24, my Mum became ill and had to go to hospital. I stood next to her bedside and asked her if she was OK. She replied, "if anything happens to me today, it's all your fault. I want you to marry her." I was emotionally blackmailed into going back to Pakistan.

A week later, I went. Since this time I was old enough to know what was happening, I went with my passport in my hand. I married my uncle's daughter and came back to the UK. My wife got her visa and followed within three months. It didn't last long though and within the month I left home, leaving my wife with my Mum.

I divorced her that year, which led to my family disowning me for the next six years. They've just started to talk to me again this year and I've been home a few times but it'll never be like before. It's going to take time.

Getting help

I read an article about an organisation called Karma Nirvana, which provides emotional support and offers refuges and safe houses for people who are in this situation. I contacted the founder and had an emotional talk with her. She understood the issues of what both men and women go through. From there, I did eight weeks' training and now I'm a support worker for the organisation.

I think it's harder for men to come forward, because we think we're macho. It took me a long time but I'm really happy where I am today. From my own experience of honour-based crime, I want to say to any men out there who have issues in forced marriage or domestic violence, contact Karma Nirvana. We'll give you the best support you need to get on with your life because everyone's got a choice.

Interviewed by Marcella Carnevale


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