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Hands-free twats

Currently suffering a mid-twenties life crisis, Sophia should not be approached unless you're armed with a keg of beer and a bag of lardy chips. She edits a website in London and would be happy writing gubbins for the rest of her life as a living.

Sophia Wong is sick of the sad gadget boys and girls who start talking to themselves in the supermarket queue. It's not normal, right? There's no excuse, and there's no hiding place. Sophia has an axe to grind, preferably all over your hands-free set.

It may have taken me a while to get round to using mobile phones and even when I did, it was borrowed off my brother and for those six months I never mastered how to take the lock off it anyway. Still, I have my own now and am sure I couldn't do without calling my friends and saying I can't speak now, I'm on my mobile, I'll call you back later. I really couldn't.

But the thing that I know I will always be able to do without is the hands-free kit.

It usually takes a few minutes to spot Totally-Without-Arms-Talker. It's initially tricky to distinguish them from the types who have had one too many shandies that can also be found wandering the streets talking to, what seems to be, themselves. TWATs, though, tend to gesticulate whilst rambling.

One may argue that the hands-free kit is designed purely for the driver. But even then, I don't feel comfortable having a TWAT behind the wheel, do you? Please just stop your car before you talk to anyone, people like you need to concentrate extra hard on driving. Who knows, if the weight of a phone is too much for you; you may find the steering wheel is far too much of a burden and let go. Besides what kind of circumstances are there, where you have to talk to someone whilst driving a car? OK, if you've gone over 50mph and triggered a bomb that will detonate when your speed falls below 50mph. But otherwise, no.

Another might argue that your mobile microwaves your brain, in which case I would ask just how much talking on the mobile phone they do? Is it not about time they found friends who want to talk them face-to-face. C'mon people you know who you are, face facts, you need to stop being such a twat.

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