Community: Real Life

A suitable boy


Chandni Rawal

Chandni is about to start her A2 levels in September. She loves music, dancing and could eat ice cream all day if someone gave her a chance.

Chandni wishes people would stop telling her she's risking her life by sitting next to a boy on the bus.

It really annoys me when I'm asked if my family have picked out the man that they want me to marry. I'm an Asian girl in college, so either I must be promised to someone, if I'm not engaged or married already. Yes, I will be going to university in a year and yes, my parents are worried about the whole boy situation. What's your point exactly? Apparently, being Asian girl past the age of 16 my parents must be worried that as I'm so repressed now, that I will go off the rails when I get to university and sleep around. Therefore, they must have already started planning my wedding to some man I've never met. Uh, no!

Firstly, I haven't been repressed at all. My parents trust me enough to give me freedom. In fact my grandma is so worried that I will end up a spinster like some of my aunts (due to her strict regime in the home when they were my age) that she encourages me to go out with boys. She even questions me often as to why I don't have a boyfriend already. She tells me that if I do ever find someone that I should tell her first and she will help me elope if no one else lets us get married. Now does that sound like the life of a repressed teenager to you?

Secondly, I don't feel the need to sleep around. I'm fine being single and don't feel the need to have a boyfriend at the moment. I chose to go to an all girls' school for six years of my life. I didn't want to have immature boys around me while I was going through my awkward phase that probably won't end for another 10 years. Now that I am in college my lessons are spread between two sixth forms. One is an all girls' school and the other is a mixed high school nearby. Being in a mixed environment for the first time in four years made me feel uncomfortable at first, but then I realised that the boys were much more mature than I remember them being. I do actually approach boys and can even have decent conversations with them!

"Asian communities have modernised and become more open in recent years and so girls are allowed to go further than just talking to guys."

When I mention this to my peers I can see the shock in their faces and the question "You spoke to a boy and you're still alive?' in their eyes. The problem is that yes, unfortunately there still are very orthodox families out there who do treat their sisters and daughters horribly but, that is not the case with everyone. Asian communities have modernised and become more open in recent years and so girls are allowed to go further than just talking to guys. We are actually allowed to go out with them too! I don't understand why many people don't understand this. Not everyone is the same. I shudder when I read stories of honour killings and I thank God that I don't have to fear a similar fate. At the same time I don't want someone reminding me that I shouldn't sit on the same table as a boy because I must be risking my life. Grow up and open your eyes. Do you really think I would have chosen to spend half my week in a mixed school if it meant risking my life? Boys just aren't worth it.

What these ill-informed people need to realise is that Asian girls are not all as backward as they seem to think we are. I don't have a boyfriend because I don't want one. Not because my Dad will kill me if I have one. Frankly I'm sure he would praise the guy who takes me off his hands.

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