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Community: Real Life

The little things


Viks

Viks is 21 and from Surrey. She's bed-bound due to Myalgic Encephalopathy (M.E.), but works hard as co-founder of Post Pals, a website community for sick young people.
Entry: 3
Date: 18/05/2007

Viks basks in the sun on a rare outing out as she reminisces about the sounds, feelings and sights we often take for granted.

It's funny how long you can go not being able to do something, and when you do experience it again, it's as if time has stood still. It's been five years since I became bed-bound after developing M.E. This is nearly 25% of my life - not that I'm counting. At times when I step out into a situation I've not been in for years it feels like I'm re-discovering the world. Some things turn out different to how I remember them, and some things come as a complete revelation to me.

Recently I've been re-learning things I had totally forgotten. These aren't necessarily important things; recently I was taken aback when a driver put their hand up to say "Thank you" for letting them pull out. It surprises me how I could forget something as natural as that. I'd forgotten how trolleys and wheelchairs make an unbearably loud rattling noise when being pushed along bumpy roads and pavements. And how grass isn't just made up of grass of different widths, lengths and texture, it has other green leaves mixed in along with dandelions, daisies, buttercups. The list goes on and on...

"Lying on the back seat with the wind rushing at my face and the sun soaking into my skin and spreading warmth over me was an amazing feeling."

One day in winter I went out when it was raining. I thought the rain falling on me would feel refreshing, rejuvenating, and just plain heavenly. Like it is in adverts or movies where there is always a girl who half-walks, half-skips along in the rain, twirling with her face turned up towards the sky, while uplifting music plays in the background. How wrong was I? The first five seconds were nice - nothing great, just nice. The next 10 seconds were OK, and after 30 seconds in the rain I remembered what it's really like - cold, wet and makes my hair look a complete mess. It was nothing like I had imagined.

Sun on the other hand was so much better than I remembered. I'm light sensitive, which means I've had blackout blinds up on the window for years. They are never opened or taken down, and have thick curtains over the top of them, which are also never opened. It's not ideal, but it works. When I venture out I have to wear sunglasses, and by chance so far I've not been out when it's been really sunny. However, this Easter Sunday was a scorcher. My nan was in hospital and I felt well enough to visit, so off we went. Even though the car has air conditioning, I insisted upon having all the windows open. Lying on the back seat with the wind rushing at my face and the sun soaking into my skin and spreading warmth over me was an amazing feeling.

I can't believe I had forgotten how nice the sun is, or why people moan about the rain. I can't believe it's been so long, yet seems so short. Either way it's wonderful and I'm loving it!


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